My medium arrived to exorcise the daemons from my computer. I got a strange feeling from him as soon as he came it. The man was bald, with bulging eyes were set wide apart and nearly met his low sloping forehead. His skin was slick and grayish in color.
He began by casting a circle around the computer, making a perimeter of salt on the carpet.
I asked him what he was doing and he said “Ph’nglui mglw’nafh Cthulhu R’lyeh wgah’nagl fhtagn.”
“Well, everybody knows that,” I said. “But what do the Great Old Ones have to do with you putting salt all over the floor?”
“Fthtagn,” he answered with a sneer, shark-like teeth glistening in the light.
So I waited.
“IA! IA!” he called out. “IA! IA!”
In time this black ooze poured into my room, it was like putrefied remains of prehistory. It congealed and vague shape of a man.
“My god!” I called out.
“No, mine!” the medium said.
It soon formed a cyclopedian mysteriousness looking a bit like an overgrown squid, with rudimentary wings on its back.
“Let’s craft love, instead of these unholy blasphemies,” I pleaded to no effect.
“IA! IA!” the medium chanted, as I began to wonder if it might have been more wise to just a let a computer repairman take a look at my machine.
The monster continued to take form, growing larger.
Then it began to shrink, the wings hold back and fused with the rest of its back.
“Fthtagn,” said the medium quietly.
Soon what had been a cyclopedian abomination transformed into the likeness of an ordinary man. At length, he spoke “Hi, I’m Ernie. Sounds like you have either a problem with the monitor connector or cable, or the video card..let take a look.”
So Ernie repaired my computer.
But now, my hair is failing off and my eyes have grown large and I have difficulty blinking….